Absent isn't desertion

Is this why you're absent?
My one true hope, the one who I trust to carry me to victory
V. I. C. T. O. R. Y. my one true battlecry
I ran until my lungs burned inside my chest
My legs collapsed as I crossed the line

Oh god, OH GOD you took me for granted
The oath I swore to protect you
The life we worked for, the damn life you gave away
I don't care if I die today, or 60 years from now
I did this for you, FUCK

The amount of anger inside is insatiable
Revenge will not suffice, his life will be my sacrifice
Nightmares fill my sleep, I never dream anymore
Why must I go through this torture, a dillusion of self sacrifice

Return to me the person I used to be I said
But he is gone, never to be me again
How will I survive, your life is signed
A pitiful soldier on the battlefield of no tomorrow

This strength, is mine
Mine for the taking, I care not if I'm breaking
I will command, in time
I'd rather die for what I believe than live a life without meaning.

This strength is MINE!
MINE FOR THE TAKING... MINE.. FOR THE TAKING!-
I CARE NOT... I CARE NOT IF IM BREAKING!-
I'D RATHER DIE!- DIE FOR WHAT I.. BELIEVE...

True pain is not physical,
I never thought about that.. until It happened to me.
You're not alone you know.
I'm not absent, mind and body I'm still here.